You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
well you can't waste a boner
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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