college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
