I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
