Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
