I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
