hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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