i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
