never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
