We named our party play list daddy issues
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
