you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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