quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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