Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
areolas are like halos for boobs.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
