careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Can I color on your dick again?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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