I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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