I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
