Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
