You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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