After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
