LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
