Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
