it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
