And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
