Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
