Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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