My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
