chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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