what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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