I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
