Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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