That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
