I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
