Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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