So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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