I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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