I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
