Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I love you.
Bad choice
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
