Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
