woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
