I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Life is so much better after having sex.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
