I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
