Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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