I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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