Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
