We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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