Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't deserve a penis
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
