return my video game
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
