but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
