You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We were destined to go to rehab together
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
