On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
