Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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