I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
