I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You are a genius and a whore.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
