if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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