my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
