Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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