i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
