going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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